Him, Them and Us

For most of my adult life I’ve been told [mostly by men] that I could never have a successful working relationship with my husband.

They listed various reasons, but the major one was that my husband is an alpha male and I’m an alpha female. They believe we would clash and overrun and override each other. My response is… “yeah, whatever!”


I have always recognized that healthy marriages do not grow on trees. They are planted in hearts and are watered with prayer, loving care, patience and understanding. So ladies, with so much to orchestrate, juggle and manage in our busy lives, the question is how do we merge our interest and commitments together to build a conglomerate that satisfies everyone and everything? The answer is…YOU DON’T! The purpose of your business is to improve the quality of your life, and that of your family by engaging in an activity that you and your husband both enjoy, while simultaneously helping your client to reach a desired professional goal. Think Chip and Joanna Gaines, Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats, Leslie Odum Jr. and Nicolette Robinson.


It's critical that the roles are clearly defined so that at the end of the day you both join together feeling at peace, in full harmony and in love with each other. In the business relationship my husband and I have created, I am primarily the creative entity, writing books, poetry and blogs, while he handles the executive component, identifying revenue sources and finance details. However, the roles change depending on the situation. For example, for my 2 upcoming children’s books, my husband is embracing his creative genius by selecting the music and managing the animation and sound. He’s even playing the flute as background for one of the books.


In addition to the Bible principles we follow, we established a business bible years ago that protects our marriage from potential entrapments that could threaten the core values of our relationship. It works perfectly for us. Perhaps they will work for you. I will warn you, however, they are strict and may even appear to be rather ruthless as it relates to client engagement.


Business Bible Rule 1:

My husband deals with all male clients and I deal with all female clients. That means that when my husband is working with male clients, HE works with the client and I work with my husband in addressing client needs. In like manner when I’m working with a female client, I work with the client and my husband works with ME in addressing client needs.


Rule 1 prevents us from having to worry about intended or unintended impropriety from our clients.


It was my husband who taught me that in our business one of the greatest qualities that we should master is being perceptive. That means the following questions will always be considered when a client of the opposite gender is speaking directly to the opposite gender in our business:

  1. What do I believe is the intent of what’s being said by the client?

  2. Does it support and respect my marriage?

  3. How does it make me feel about the integrity of the person speaking as it relates to my marriage?

  4. How would it or how does it make my mate feel? Does it honor him/her or does it dismiss, disrespect or demean him/her?

Any time a client attacks the character of your business partner, or even more egregious, attacks the physical appearance of your partner, aka your mate…BEWARE! That’s a clear indication that their agenda is less than honorable and is not cohesively aligned with your purpose. If you choose to continue doing business with this client, set boundaries to ensure that your business objectives as a couple, and your personal objectives as a couple are protected.


Ladies your marriage is your cushion, [personally and professionally] your place to free fall backwards without hitting concrete. It should be the same for your husband too. Fight to protect it, and besides love have as your foundation…trust.

Share your time, share your knowledge, share your expertise - but never Ever EVER share your man!


Excerpted from Him, Them and Us - How To Maintain Love, Peace and Harmony In Your Marriage, While Growing Your Business Together scheduled for release in Summer 2024.

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